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I’m a politically incorrect person and so is my great grandma. She likes to say we just have wicked sense of humors. We don’t mean to offend, but you must know the truth. Old people love to shock you and piss you off. They get a kick out of it! Every old person hasn’t lost their mind, mobility or spirit. Some just like to pretend they have so that they can get away with things. Don’t believe me? Ask my great-grandma. At the tender age of 96, here are some of the things you should be aware she does if you’re lucky enough to spend time with her.

Using modern technology

Cell phones and computers don’t scare her as much as we think they do. She just wants to hear you or hear your voice, so she feigns ignorance to get closer to you.


It’s completely harmless. She know you’re not really interested. But if you are, she wouldn’t turn her nose up at you.


Bingo can be cutthroat. A good trip to Atlantic City can bankroll the rest of her retirement. She plays to win!

Calling you by someone else’s name

She know who you are, but you look like your mama when she were a little girl so… you know, just roll with it. Also, there are so many grandchildren and great grandchildren, if you turn and acknowledge the name, don’t correct them.

Talking about the past ad nauseam

It was her heyday, like one day you will talk about the Simpsons.


She wants it but doesn’t want to pay. It’s that simple.

Feeding children junk food

This includes every sugary, salty and carbonated thing known to man. She raised her children with healthy eating habits, so now she want to spoil the grandchildren rotten, literally. She said it was her ploy to make sure I took care of her in her old age.

Uttering racial, sexual and political epithets

I tried to correct her once and she said to me, “You can’t correct me until you’re forced to drink from a separate water fountain than your friends.” I’m not going to win these arguments.

Choosing to have a selective memory

She can choose to forget whatever she wants and no one is the wiser. Let’s say the neighbor across the street is spending a little extra time with the mailman. She will know the names of everyone involved, how many days a week it happens, what they wore each time and how long they were in the house. She calls it neighborhood watch; I call it street stalking. But if you ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do, she will innocently forget. Don’t be fooled, this was done by design.

I have a pretty cool great-grandma.

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